NFL is up again

NFL has started again. Praise God! Man, I love football. I love every part of it. Saturday is literally the day I look forward to so I can just vedge. I love Sunday. I love Monday. The three day adventure of football is completely refreshing to me. My team the Vikings got beat out my the Saints last week. It was a total bummer.

And man, the Saints, they had so much love last year. Everyone was cheering for them to win. Everyone wanted the victory to be theirs. They were the cinderella story, the team that had not won a Super Bowl and who came from seemingly nowhere to be a dominant force.

EVERYONE was a fan. EVERYONE was loving them. I have a question though.

My question is, will people love the Saints when they are terrible?

You may love a certain team. You may talk about them endlessly. But the question, again, is will you love them when they are terrible?

Man, it is SO easy to love a team when they are rockin' it. It's so easy to talk about all the great things that are happening.

In the same way, it's easy to praise God when things are good. It's easy to talk about all the great things He is doing.

My question is this: Can you praise God when things are not good?

You see, we have the power of revealing God's glory in the midst of struggles. We have the opportunity to point to the one true Light that is seeking to carry us and restore us.

In your weakness, His strength is perfected.

In your hard times, His victory can take place.

Why does all of this happen? Why do we even have to deal with this?

Because God has found us faithful to suffer in this way. See, we have to be people who can live out what we're talking about. You'll either walk it out or you will not.

But know this, know that a world is watching. A world is watching to see how you will respond.

I love the story of Job. He loses EVERYTHING. Literally, everything. All of his wealth, his possessions, his family, it's all wiped away. And how does he respond? Man, check this out.

He falls to the ground and worships. HE WORSHIPS! Can you believe that? That with everything going on, he can't help but to worship God?

See, our struggles, our problems, they are an opportunity. People will come to you and they will say, "I have no idea how you made it through this."

They'll ask, "After everything, how in the world did you survive? How in the world did you make it?"

That's your opportunity to point to God. God has found you faithful to struggle in this way, to suffer in this way.

We easily love God when times are fresh.

How will we respond when we are pushed to our limits?

Moving On

"It's over."

I couldn't believe what I was saying. "It's completely over." How did I get to this point? How could this be true? After all the time I had spent, how could it be over? I was so committed, so involved, so ready to give my time and thoughts towards this.

"Lost is finally over."

I'm not joking. I have been legitimately depressed dealing with the absence of Lost from my life. After 6 seasons, it's finally done. Dunzo. Finished. It may seem like a weird obsession, but ask any person who has been a devoted Lost fan, and they will agree in the significant sadness that has set in now that the show has completed its run. Ok, let's be honest. That's really sad. Ha. But still, it was a great show, and there is this nagging feeling that there won't be another show like it ever again.

Really though, we are just talking about a show here. Something on television. It's all fictional, and a year from now I'm sure there will be some new show that I'm completely enthralled with. Still, I loved Lost, and I especially loved how it ended. Really, the final season was so great because it had so many allusions to Christianity. Are our choices real, or are they just mirages of a greater destiny that fuel our feet towards an inevitable ending point? I could go on and on, but I'll just say that the final season was rocking.

Many people have expressed their dislike with the way the finale ending. Long before it aired, the executive producers acknowledged the controversy that would exist. "Some people may hate it, but others... others I think will look back and appreciate what we've done here." Or something like that. I wish I could give an exact quotation, but really I'm just making up what I think they said, ha. Still, I liked the ending.

Be warned, if you don't want it ruined, don't keep reading.

Lost ends with Jack Shephard, the protagonist and hero of the show, speaking with his dead father, Christian. Realizing that he himself has died, and with certain fear in his eyes, he manages to say, "Kate said that we're leaving." Christian Shephard smiles and simply answers, "No. No. Not leaving." He pauses for a moment before quietly stating, "Just moving on." I love that. I really, really do. One chapter has ended, and a new one is beginning, one that leaves our imagination to wonder what is next for our favorite characters.

I'm in that exact place. I'm not so much thinking of what this weird couples afterlife (seriously, what's up with that?) is like for the characters of Lost, but I still feel its message echoing in my life.

For the past four years, I attended college in Fayetteville, Arkansas. I changed my major twice. I joined a fraternity. I joined a ministry. I left that ministry and joined another. And then I did that again. I worked at a summer camp. I've had a lot of money. I've been absolutely broke. I've eaten Ramen noodles. I've eaten spaghettios. I've eaten a huge, red steak hot off the grill. I've sat in the grass. I've sat in the rain. I've sat in the road. I've sat in my room all day. I've spent days doing absolutely nothing, and I've spent days with so much on my list to get done that I've gone right to sleep upon getting home out of sheer fatigue. I've broken hearts. I've had my heart broken, more than once. I've been depressed. I've been completely overcome with joy and God's goodness. I've had huge plans come and go. I've found myself clueless and completely out of control. I've been completely alone. I've found myself with more friends than I can count. I've found myself directionless, and I've found myself so clearly in the presence of Rightness.

Four years of my life. Wow. Thinking of all that has happened, everything I've experienced, it's hard to even consider moving on. But you know what? That's the next step. Sometimes in life, the next step is never easy. Sometimes the next step is simply to let go of where your heart is so firmly entrenched and allow God to bring about what's next. One chapter ends. Another one begins.

Not leaving.

Not forgetting.

Just moving on.

It's hard to even consider. Maybe hard isn't the right word. I think scary is better. I'll admit it. I'm completely afraid of what's next. Back in Fayetteville, there are dozens of friends. Some of them are Young Life leaders, some I've even trained and seen grow into incredible leaders. Some are roommates. Some are just people that have been significant in my life. It's the same with camp. There are so many connections there. How do I move on, and what am I moving on to?

On June 9th, I'll be going to Houston for an induction ceremony into Teach For America. To be honest, I didn't even think I'd get it, and after being on the waitlist for so long, I wasn't even sure if I wanted it anymore. But after praying about it and really thinking about my motivation for applying in the first place, I knew that this was the right decision. Still, this summer I'll spend a weekend in Houston, then in Mississippi for 5 weeks training (woof), and then I'll get a week off before having to return to Houston permanently. One week. One whole week. A week to find a place to live when I've never had to look for an apartment in my life. I don't even know where to start. I've never even lived in a big city before in my life. I feel completely in over my head. Yes, I know God will provide, but it is still completely stressful not knowing how I'll take care everything that comes with such a huge transition.

It's scary. I'm leaving my family and friends to do this job for at least the next two years in a city where I know no one. I'm sure I'll make new friends, but it's still scary realizing that the next step is finally here, that I have to say goodbye to what has been so prevalent in my life this last year. It's time to go and start life. I completely sympathize with the tangible fear and hesitance you see in Jack. Through his fear he manages to ask, "Where we going?" Again, his dad simply smiles before answering, "Let's go find out together." I love that.

I'm moving to Houston. I'm teaching high school science. I have to take a certification test to show I can teach it (ruh roh). I have to enroll in college courses during next year. I have to pay bills. I have to take care of myself. What in the world is all of this going to be like?

Well... Let's go find out. Yes, I'm scared, but I am also so unbelievably excited for what the future will bring. I know that this is right, and I know that sometimes the biggest steps we take require incredible leaps of faith. Peter had to take one huge step to get out of the boat. So this is me, taking one, massive step into the unknown. I'll be okay, I know that for sure. And I believe, I really do, that God has an incredible and amazing life for me, full of growth and happiness, even if I can't see how the next chapter of my life will play out. But that's just it. We are a culture that is hooked on the unknown. It's why Lost was such a hit. There were so many questions, so many times that I would sit back and just think, "Wow, how will this play out?" Had the producers provided a list of every question that would appear and its corresponding answer up front, I don't think anyone would have watched the show. It's like the greatest books that we read. From the first page, we can't help but be so attracted to the story. We don't dare skip to the end, because it is the journey that makes the experience worthwhile. In other words, I have no idea what my life will look like in a year, but I know that the journey will be like nothing I've ever before experienced. What will Houston be like? What will teaching be like? What will my life be like?

Let's go find out.

Letting Go of Control

So... Another blog update. Yep. Here it is. To be honest, it's pretty hard for me to even write on a blog. Really, I just feel dumb doing it. It's not that I don't have confidence in what I'm saying, or anything like that. I honestly just don't like being open. I don't like expressing all of my feelings. I guess I just feel silly doing it. Still, I've been encouraged to try it anyway, believing that it will be good for me. So, here we go.

My life. Currently, I am a college graduate with a Bachelor of Science in Biology. Unlike 99% of my fellow Biology graduates, I am not pursuing medical school or dental school. I really have no idea what I'm doing. I'm someone who likes control. I'm not a control freak or anything, I just know what I want. If some friends and I are deciding where to eat, it doesn't take long for me to suggest a place that I want to go. Again, it's not like I'm trying to smother my friends with my wants. I just don't have a problem saying what I think. So I'll say where I want to eat. I'll say what I don't like, this or that. Most of all, I like to know exactly what is coming down the pipe. If someone asks me what I'm doing this weekend, I will say exactly what I'm doing. I can say, "Well at 2:30 on Saturday I'm doing this, and then at 8:30 I'm doing this." I don't know why, but that's simply how it is with me. I like control.

I think what's bittersweet about God is that as Christians we submit ourselves to challenges. God says that He disciplines those whom He loves. What does that mean? The way I've always seen it in my life is like this: God says, ok Blake, you love Me. You want more of Me and less of you. Then I'm going to grow you, and it's not always going to be fun.

Nothing drives me crazier than people who advertise Christianity as this option for everything to be perfect. It by no means isn't. Does God want you to be happy? Yes. Does He want you to live a fulfilling life? Absolutely. Is growing you going to hurt? Of course. This is simply how life is. When I look back on my life, I can see a series of events that I've gone through that have grown me in different areas.

Currently, I'm being grown in the area of control. To give you some perspective, I'm currently sitting in Little Rock having graduated college. I applied to a non-profit organization called Teach for America that seeks to place qualified individuals in low income and rural schools in order to provide a better education experience. I applied in February, went through a slew of interviews, and was informed in April that I had been accepted. However, it wasn't that simple. Because of the economy, Teach for America was forced to lower their acceptance rate to a record low. To put it simply, there just aren't any jobs out there. Because of this, even though I met the standards that TFA had set forth, they did not have a job placement for me. So, I have been on the waitlist since mid-April, waiting, waiting, waiting... On Friday, they will either inform me that they have found me a job, or they will tell me, "Sorry, we couldn't find one."

So, let's go with the first option. If I get it, I'll have a week to decide if I want to commit the next two years of my life in a place where I know no one. I'll be completely on my own. However, if Friday comes with news of no placement, then I'll really have to figure things out. I'll have to figure out what I'll be doing this summer. Furthermore, as a college grad with no income, I'll need to develop plans for the fall, as in, find a job, whether it be in Fayetteville or somewhere else.

I think the point I'm trying to get across is that I have absolutely no control over my life right now. And you know what? It's okay. As someone who has always wanted to be able to say exactly what the next step is, I think God is growing me by saying, "Hey, find peace in Me. Trust in Me. Let Me plan the next step." So, that's what I'm trying to do. I try not to worry. I try not to be anxious. I try not to focus on the baggage I have in my life right now. I remember talking to an older man for some advice. I don't know him too well, but I knew that he had some wisdom for me. Faced without any answers, I approached him for his perspective. He said that all I could do was ask God for joy, peace, and contentment, and just let Him go from there. That's been my complete prayer. I have no idea what I'm doing with my future. I don't know at all, not the slightest clue, what this fall will look like or even where I'll be. But it's okay, totally and completely. Yes, some days I feel completely drained and emotionally exhausted about the whole mess, and I don't always do the perfect job at trusting Him. In fact, a lot of times, more often than not, I simply suck at it. But little by little, I'm trying to do better.

I know it's all worth it, because I know that God's plan is far better than any plan of mine. I continuously pray that He will just do whatever He wants and that I'm on board. It's a dangerous prayer I feel like, but it's what I truly want. I've discovered that I really have no idea what I want anymore, so the best I can do is just rely on someone who actually knows what's best for me. I want to trust God more, I really do, and I know He's growing that in me. Furthermore, I know that He's growing humility in me.

Gosh, I hate my pride. I really do. I love the David Crowder song where he says, "I carry pride like a disease." That's exactly how I feel sometimes. I want to be rid of it. I want to walk in humility. I want to point to God always, and I feel like I do a crummy job at that. It's been a hard semester, and I can say surely that God has completely crushed my pride, ha ha. But that's a good thing. It really, really is.

So, that's the update on my life. I feel like it was really pessimistic, and I'm contemplating just deleting all of this, again because I hate this whole being open thing. So, to counter all the negativeness I feel like is prevalent in this post, let me just say that I am excited for the future. It's scary, sure, but it is completely and totally exciting, because I know wherever I end up will be right. It will be what He wants, thankfully. I really am optimistic of the future. I want to enjoy life, and I will continue doing that. I'll keep on focusing on joy, peace, and contentment. So that's me: college grad with no clue of his future but who's loving life! Cheesy? Good.

Ok, because I felt like this was crazy deep and serious, here is a super lame joke. Hooray.

A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied “I don't know, it all happened so fast.”

Ha.

Oh You bring hope to the hopeless

And light to those in the darkness

And death to life, now I'm alive

Oh You give peace to the restless

And joy to homes that are broken

I see You now, in You I'm found

And You open the door for me

And You lay down Your life to set me free

All that I am will serve You Lord

Oh You fill those who are empty

And rescue those in the valley

And through it all You calm my soul

Oh now You find me in my weakness

And heal the wounds of my heartache

And I worship You in spirit and truth

And You open the door for me

And You lay down Your life to set me free

All that I am will serve You Lord

And You open my eyes to see

All the wonder and awe of Christ in me

Jesus You're everything I need

All honor

All glory

All praise to You

And You open the door for me

And You lay down your life to set me free

All that I am will serve You Lord

And You open my eyes to see

All the wonder and awe of Christ in me

Jesus You're everything I need

- Hillsong United's "Oh You Bring"

"And when a nightmare finally does unfold, perspective is a lovely hand to hold." - Relient K's Part of It

I love this song because it's so true. Really, I can't help but listen to it over and over again. It reminds me of why I love Relient K so much. Their lyrics just rock! Really though, it possesses so much truth that we are so ignorant to. In life, everything is about perspective. It's about how you see the world around you and how you see yourself in it. To be honest, having one perspective over another can mean the difference between success and utter failure.

What I'm talking about is how life is rarely fair. It is full of issues and setbacks. I think the biggest thing God has been working on my life lately is that when that problem, that nightmare, arrives, where you go from that point is entirely up to you. What I mean to say is that it is generally the biggest issues in your life that will grow you the most. The expression that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger? It's totally true... if you have the right perspective!

It's amazing to me that we have a culture who is strongly against any opposition in life. Why do we think this way? Why don't we welcome trials? The book of James talking about going as far as being joyful when facing trials because... why? Because it's through the problems in life that you grow into the man or woman you are called to be.

Think of it this way. What if you could never truly enjoy life without experiencing total heartache? What if you could not be successful if you had never experienced failure? I have realized so clearly that it is through failure, through problems, that God really molds us and grows us into the people He wants us to be. I'm not saying that He causes the problems to happen, but it is through these problems that we find ultimate success.

But it's all about perspective. Why are we so easily angered by life? Why can't we see every failure as an opportunity to go to the next level?

Every step back is a chance to go ten steps forward.

Every setback is a setup for the greatest moment of your life.

It's all about perspective. And every right perspective has a cost.

When this week ends, I'll have spent over a few hundred dollars in order to attend a job interview and a summit for a NPO that I'm a part of. I spend it because I know that there is a cost for going to the next level. And you know what? Most of us know what the right perspective is, but we are unwilling to pay the cost.

I want to go to the next level. I want to pay the price.

Training Yourself

T-minus six days from spring break. I'm so ready for it. It's always funny to me when spring break starts to roll around, mostly because several of my friends start kicking up their dieting and they begin to work out more. For some reason, whatever it is, the idea of going to the beach and needing to look good becomes essential. I'm not trying to rag on it, it's just funny to me that we can completely change our habits for a few days on the beach.

What's even funnier is that I'm no different. Those guys who start working out more and watching what they eat before spring break? Yeah. I'm one of them, ha! Really though, lately I've come to grips with just the need to be healthier. I've always had a high metabolism, and so the fact that I don't work out too often has not really affected me. Still, as a 22 year old man, faced with odd chest problems and the like, I've found myself feeling the need to just live a healthier life. I'm sure I'm just being a hypochondriac, but still. A friend of mine is almost 50 years old, and this dude is jacked. I mean, really, he could probably break me with one hand. He wants to stay in shape the rest of his life, and his wife is the same way. His wife has always mentioned that God calls us to be good stewards, including taking care of our health. We're called to be healthy. I had never really thought of that before. And so, I've committed myself to being healthy, not just for the upcoming spring break, but for the rest of my life. Regardless of my circumstances, whether it's a stressful job or whatever, I want to be able to say that I live a healthy life.

Really, I want to live a healthy life like my dad. My dad is 63 years old. He's one of only a couple dozen people to have run a marathon in all 50 states. To give you some perspective, a marathon is 26.2 miles, and not only has he run one in all 50 states, there are some states that he has run several. I don't know about you, but I get exhausted just thinking of that amount. Last semester, just running one mile made me want to die, seriously. When I was a kid, though, I always wanted to run long distances like my dad. I remember my dad used to joke about when he was finished running marathons that I would be the one to take over for him. I've always admired him for this hobby, mostly because of his reasons for doing it. Obviously, he loves to run, but furthermore he loves to push himself. He loves achieving. Even more so, running is his time with God.

In case you didn't know, marathons can take a long time to run. We are talking four to six hours. Hate running for 10 minutes straight? Yeah, a marathon's right up your alley. I remember asking my dad what in the world he did for all that time, how he kept himself from getting bored. He recited a few Bible verses to me, such as running the race set before you, persevering under trials, you know, verses that refer to a challenge before you. I loved hearing that. What I loved even more was just seeing how running was such a tangible example of the Christian life to my dad. He connected running to his relationship with God. And as he has woken up at 5 AM every morning for the past twenty years (at least) to work out and train, it is so easy to see the allusion to Christianity. I'll get to that in a minute.

I used to love running when I was a kid, though I don't really know why I fell out of it. I remember my Facebook listing one of my interests as "running", though I hadn't done it in a couple of years. Last week, I decided I wanted to get back into it and just working out in general. Maybe it's knowing that spring break is coming up. Maybe it's wanting that connection with my dad. Regardless, I've dedicated myself to being healthy.

I did a little P90X last semester, which is a great work out, but I grew out of it because I found myself annoyed with having to spend an hour and a half every day working out. Honestly, it wasn't that I hated doing it or anything. I love the feeling of working out, I really do. But really, I just found myself getting bored, ha. So, I resolved to pick up running again and do some of the muscle training found in P90X.

So far, things are going great. To be honest, I had completely forgotten how awesome running is. Any idea what "runner's high" is? Try getting into the habit of running and you'll know exactly what I mean. Now, that doesn't mean it's been easy. I remember asking my buddy Chris for some advice on running, mainly because this dude runs around 4-6 miles every day (wow!). He said the biggest thing was just being consistent with it.

So, I resolved to take it easy at first and just commit myself to running a mile every day with some weight training afterwards. I won't lie, the first couple of days were pretty miserable. I remember thinking, "How can anyone like this?"

I'm sure by now you're asking, "What are you getting at? Are you just blabbing about running?"

My point is that running, weights, whatever you do, all of that is part of training your body to be healthier. What's awesome is that Christianity is the exact same way. Basically, I'm going to sum up everything in a few sentences.

Christianity is hard.

Christianity pushes you.

You'll want to quit sometimes.

Because you stuck with it, your life will be more fulfilling and you will be a happier person.

I'm sure you don't agree with all of those, at least not instinctively. Reading the first line, that Christianity is hard, I'm sure you thought to yourself, "Check." And you repeated that as you read each sentence. Yet when you reached the last sentence, of life being better and happier, I'm willing to bet there was some hesitation in agreeing with that. Why? Because we question the end result. We question the process. Is my life really going to be better? In a culture where sex and alcohol are so casual, do I sometimes think that I'm cheating myself of an enjoyable life by being "religious"?

Everyone thinks it at some point in their life, yet it is a failure of recognizing the process at work. Did you know that when you run, you put pressure on your bones, which in turn makes them stronger and more resilient? Did you know that by working your heart, you are strengthening it and pushing yourself to being overall healthier? Of course we do. We know that working out makes us stronger and healthier.

Why then is it any harder for us to realize the same effect in our Christian lives? We go through a situation, I don't know what it is. Maybe it's a divorce, maybe it's a break up, maybe it's just a failed test. Regardless of what it is, we lose sight of the process. Look at the book of James. Be overjoyed when you face trials of many kind... Why? Look at the second half. Because it grows you. Because it builds your character.

Christianity is a series of trials that you will have to choose whether you will persevere or not, and if you do, you will be a stronger person. You will be a healthier person. Why does God allow us to go through problems? Is it out of boredom? No. Is it so that we'll glorify Him? Yes. However, I would argue, while God enjoys glory being brought to Him, that He loves seeing us succeed. He loves growing us. He knows that by you pushing through this problem in your life, that you will be a stronger man or a stronger woman. He's pushing you towards maturity. And this is the biggest part of faith, in trusting that there is a purpose to all of this, that you actually will be happier and stronger as a result. All I can do is speak from my own life, through all of the problems I've faced, to say that by getting through them, I am the man I am now because of them, and my life is more fulfilling than it's ever been.

Going back to running, like I said, I committed to running a mile a day. In the past week, the weather has been anywhere from 70 degrees to 45 degrees. There have been days when it was extremely windy or extremely cold. Suffice it to say, there were days I didn't feel like doing it. In your own lives, there will be days that you don't want to live out your relationship with God. Push through. Persevere. You can do it.

After running for a few days, I felt myself capable of running two miles. I was exhausted afterwards, and the next day my legs were so tired. But I still ran a mile the next day like I had decided I would, though I have no idea how. And the next day? Somehow, I was able to run two miles again.

Why am I saying all of this? It's not to brag on my running skills or abilities, because, let's be honest, one or two miles is not far at all. My point though is that I would not have been able to run two miles, much less twice in three days, if I had not been consistent with the smaller distances. In life, you'll be faced with challenges. My point is that if you can persevere, if you can push through, when you face calamity, when you face a devastating blow, you'll be able to get through it. Not only will you be able to make it through it, but you'll do it with your head held high. People will look at you and say, "Man, how did he ever make it through that?" You may even say it about yourself. But it will have been because you made it through the smaller challenges. And your life will be happier because of it. I promise, it really will.

Don't think there won't be days that you won't want to pursue your relationship with God. Don't think that there won't be days that you don't think you can do it. All I will say is to battle your mind. Defeat that mindset. Our brains can have us fooled to think that we are fragile, that we can't handle what's before us. In truth, our mind can be the greatest enemy of it all. The biggest issue in my running has been my breathing, in thinking I don't have enough air. I remember someone telling me that it's our mind fooling ourselves, that we only THINK we don't have enough air, but really, we have plenty. Honestly, yes, when you first begin running, your lungs aren't used to it, and yes, you probably don't have enough air. But as I ran a couple of miles last night, I distinctly realized that, regardless of my legs being tired, I felt like I was not short of breath at all. I realized I could do it. I was so happy to know that finally, FINALLY after sticking with it, I felt like a runner.

There will be times that you think you can't do it. There will be times that you think you're choking, that your gasping for air just to survive. Know that you aren't given more than you can handle, that God wants to see you as a success. I promise, He really does. You have more than enough air. You have more than enough strength. Sometimes we just need a reminder of that.

So what do you want out of life? Is it to be happy? Is it to be healthy? Is it to be able to say that when your life is over, that you ended it as a strong and mature person who sought after God's own heart? Then it's going to take work. It's going to take challenges. It's going to be hard. But if you have the right mindset, if you have the right perspective, you'll find yourself taking on problem after problem because you know what the end result is.

I want to live a happy life. I want to live a healthy life. So when a curve ball comes my way, I can't get angry. I can't get upset. I can't question the process, not to say that that won't be my temptation. Still, I have to challenge myself to be optimistic and to see that it's all part of life, that the ends most definitely, always, without any question justifies the means.